Dating + sex

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Bisexual couple looking for bisexual woman and bisexual man

2018.10.16 05:28 Zeeymo Bisexual couple looking for bisexual woman and bisexual man

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2020.10.22 19:52 kt--o-shs-er After six months, I'm finally bringing it up. Weed + psych meds = no libido.

I'm a bi man in a monagamous relationship of about 3 years with a hetero woman. I'm 43, she's 38. We originally met at a mental health support group, we both take medication daily and have had our share of struggles in the past. At first our sex life was awesome, we found ourselves after a few weeks of dating being so sexually active it was actually a problem. It was that punch-drunk overwhelming feeling of bliss I hadn't felt since I was like 23. But it was great. We gradually settled down, which you'd expect, and had a happy sex life for a while - until she started a new medication.
The whole time I've known her she's taken a duplicitous approach to meds. She's very proactive in her care, communicating with her prescriber and counselor, taking meds very regularly. On the other hand, though, she's smoked weed on the daily without a break ever since we met. I've tried to bring it up with her, but she gets really defensive. She knows she's dependent on it, knows it damages her lungs - I bought her a Pax, she doesn't use it - but refuses to discuss it with her providers (at least, she hasn't mentioned discussing it with them to me).
About 9 months to a year ago she started a new med, one that's notorious for weight gain and loss of libido. As she started to gain weight she became more sedentary than she already had been, and libido began to wane until about the time the pandemic started. Since then we've had sex exactly once. It was about the same time we moved in together.
It's come up in conversation a couple of times. She says she still finds me very attractive, but has no libido at all. She said it's 'freeing' in a way, because she used to have a lot of anxiety around sex. I'm like, that's great - for you, I guess.
She's dragged her heels in getting health coverage and despite being in this new state for over half a year she hasn't seen a doctor yet. She continues to smoke weed like it's a food group. We spend about $300 a fcking month on it! I have trouble not smoking, I don't want to, but I have trouble being around her when she's stoned and I'm not. She is always stoned.
A couple years ago she told me that she's ok with me hooking up with guys, which she still is. But the only times the idea of any other type of casual hookup with others has come up, she's insisted she's 'not poly' (that isn't what I want, though, I don't want any outside romance). I actually was mostly interested in having an MFM threeway with another guy, or her hooking up with a guy. Not cuckolding humiliation, just more a voyeuristic kink. That was back when we were sexually active, though. One time I tried to carefully touch on the idea of us being 'open' and me hooking up with another woman, NSA, but she angrily dismissed the idea.
Anyways, all that's off the table. I just don't know what to do. I've fantasized & honestly have come close to cheating, making a booty call to an old flame. I couldn't go through with that though. The guilt was bad enough just thinking about it.
The point I'm at right now, I'm happy being with her, I love her, we're compatible and good for each other in every other way. I'm friends with her family, flown home with her for Christmas, everything is great and fine - except the total lack of sex. Not just sex, though; not even making out. No sexual energy, at all. I'd given up on trying a long time ago. Now I'm so accustomed to suppressing my desires when we're in bed, I hardly know where to start. Plus she's so self conscious about her body, she barely lets me touch her.
I've always loved being romantic with her, bringing her flowers, spending time together. When her best friends got married a while ago, I was inspired, started daydreaming of proposing to her. But I can't do that. Unless this part of our relationship improves, it'd be foolish to make a lifelong commitment. I will not live like this forever.
So, it's coming to the point where we need to address it. Sex isn't a want to me, it's a need, and I ultimately will not be happy without it. I keep longingly perusing certain FB friend's photos, having dreams, and struggling not to stare at people I see at the beach. Honestly if I meet someone who is equally thirsty for me, I'm not sure if I'll be able to resist temptation. I just don't want to find myself betraying her trust.
I guess what I'm mostly hoping for is some advice on how to 'have the talk', as in what works, what doesn't.
What I'm honestly most afraid of is her framing this as a patriarchy / male privilege issue. She's very woke, which I love about her, but sometimes it's to a fault. (That is to say, on occasion, it can turn into raging hypocritical accusatory bullshit.) In my view it's more of a 'are you actually taking care of yourself / will this relationship work?' issue.
submitted by kt--o-shs-er to DeadBedrooms [link] [comments]


2020.10.19 18:57 Red_Burner 61 + 35 = zero

Mondays--it just seems worse today...... Well, I've been married for 35 years. And I am not sure if it's too late to leave. I'm 61 and she's 62. We have two kids that are amazing. They both coordinate to stop by once or twice a month. I love our family. But I need something in my marriage I am not getting. It occurred to me that very shortly I will be 62. That was an eye-opener!
She has never had a sexual appetite and since menopause it has gotten worse (less). The side effects on her have been the (new) source of her complete lack of (and I mean, complete) sexuality, desire, etc. She likes to cuddle and kiss hello and goodbye but that means nothing to me it there is no underlying feeling of desire for the other person. I come from an Italian heritage and we did that with family. Hugs and kisses, laying on each other watching tv (no petting or groping of course).
We went to marriage counseling in 2014 and nothing changed. Not. One. Thing. I stopped going and she continued with the guy until it became too hard to schedule something with him (she says).
In July I said I was leaving hoping, and we could start dating again and if it didn't work in a year so that we were both happy then we could get a divorce. Eight days later I changed my mind because I did not believe I did everything I could. We are now going to a VERY EXPENSIVE Sex Therapist and we have yet to talk about restarting our sex life. In the past 20 years, we have been intimate (at most) five or six times.
I am REALLY open to suggestions and opinions.
submitted by Red_Burner to deadbedroom [link] [comments]


2020.10.19 16:02 Red_Burner 61 + 35 = zero

Mondays--it just seems worse today...... Well, I've been married for 35 years. And I am not sure if it's too late to leave. I'm 61 and she's 62. We have two kids that are amazing. They both coordinate to stop by once or twice a month. I love our family. But I need something in my marriage I am not getting. It occurred to me that very shortly I will be 62. That was an eye-opener!
She has never had a sexual appetite and since menopause it has gotten worse (less). The side effects on her have been the (new) source of her complete lack of (and I mean, complete) sexuality, desire, etc. She likes to cuddle and kiss hello and goodbye but that means nothing to me it there is no underlying feeling of desire for the other person. I come from an Italian heritage and we did that with family. Hugs and kisses, laying on each other watching tv (no petting or groping of course).
We went to marriage counseling in 2014 and nothing changed. Not. One. Thing. I stopped going and she continued with the guy until it became too hard to schedule something with him (she says).
In July I said I was leaving hoping, and we could start dating again and if it didn't work in a year so that we were both happy then we could get a divorce. Eight days later I changed my mind because I did not believe I did everything I could. We are now going to a VERY EXPENSIVE Sex Therapist and we have yet to talk about restarting our sex life. In the past 20 years, we have been intimate (at most) five or six times.
I am REALLY open to suggestions and opinions.
submitted by Red_Burner to marriageadvice [link] [comments]


2020.10.17 05:16 IDoEnjoyMapleSyrup What impact disclosing had on your sexual life? + Some negative venting for people who would like to try to cheer me up

Question section?
I'm a pretty average 30 years old dude. Before I was diagnosed with HSV1 on my belly ( It's quite a weird place indeed ), I was lucky enough to have about 4-8 relationships/dates that included sex per year. Since I got diagnosed, I've chosen to disclose to all my potential partners about HSV1. It's been a year and none of the dates I've had (about 1 every 2 weeks) wanted to see me after. I would like to know what impact disclosing had on your sexual life? (before and after being diagnosed).
Venting negatively section (don't read this if you are depressed):
Honestly, I think that only really hot people will find a potential partner (And I'm average on a good hair day). Before I was diagnosed, I would have never taken a chance with someone infected unless they were way out of my league. The only potential solution would be to lower my standard and date girls that I don't find attractive (either because of their lack of personality or charisma). I've searched for love all my life, I'm getting old, and I'm pretty sure that I will live with 20 cats to fill the void I'm my life.

Sorry about the spelling, I'm from Quebec and English is my second language.
submitted by IDoEnjoyMapleSyrup to Herpes [link] [comments]


2020.10.14 04:23 eggypoooo Mental Health + Relationships

How to cope with common relationship fears: @/the.love.therapist
  1. 🤯Acknowledge the fear
  1. 🧐Ask why it's here and where it came from. What role does it play? What is its job? How is it trying to help you? Be curious
  2. 🙏Thank it for trying to protect you
  3. 🤔Ask what it needs. What does it need to be able to relax and trust more?
  4. If you're able, give it what it needs so that it can relax and trust💆
10 Tips for dating someone with depression: @/Realdepressionproject
  1. When they seem distant🪂, don't take it personally - It doesn't mean they've "checked out" 📆of the relationship or they've stopped caring, it just means their symptoms have taken over during this period
  2. Remind them how much you love❤️ them regularly- living with depression is like having a bully in your mind🧠 that constantly tells you that you're worthless or a burden. Reassurance can help decrease one's attachment to these negative thoughts 💘
  3. Don't force a "date night" 🍻when their symptoms have set in - of course date nights are important, but when depression strikes being in a "controlled"/"safe" 🎮environment is essential
  4. Be patient with them - depression doesn't disappear overnight💨, just because one has good days doesn't mean they disappeared.
  5. Ask🗣️ and learn📚 about their triggers - this can be challenging but once you know them you'll be more enable to work together 🤝against them 🗣️
  6. IF they breakdown over something "small" acknowledge they're likely "depressed tired" 🥱- this isn't just being physically tired but also mentally, emotionally, and spiritually tired. Fighting🤼 depression drains you of all your energy.
  7. Recognize that "numbness" is a key symptom of depression- this means they may struggle to engage with things, be unresponsive at times and unable to get joy out of things. So if they don't appear uplifted🧗 by a gift you've given them this doesn't mean they don't appreciate it, it just means depression is making it difficult to feel in that moment 🥺
  8. Research📖 depression - the more you understand the symptoms of depression the less it will come between you 🤓
  9. Look after yourself - your needs matter too 🛀
What to do when your partner has been sexually abused: @/heal.and.chill
  1. Don't ask for details 📲
  1. No sex , slow down on pressuring your partner for sex 🙅
  1. When physical intimacy becomes a problem 🦔
  1. Get to know their triggers 🧯
  1. When you start to have sex again, let them control their body ⚖️
  1. Everyday is something new, expect it 🌱
  1. Research on how sexual violence affects people 🧑‍💻
6 Healthy ways to deal with jealousy in relationships: @/classyquotespace
  1. Understand that you cannot control your partner 🕹️
  2. Explore what insecurity is being triggered 🏞️
  3. Identify why you lack trust (e.g past history) 🐍
  4. Acknowledge that "you are enough" 🧘
  5. Be honest about your feelings with your partner 🙇
  6. Remember that your worth does not depend on the relationship 🦸
7 Tips for Complaining To Your Partner:
  1. Acknowledge their good intentions (It can make a complaint easier for them to hear)😇
  2. Avoid accusations (like "You always do this.")🙊
  3. Talk about your feelings ("I felt hurt/scared/insecure/lonely when you...")💑
  4. Ask for information (about why they acted a certain way, rather than assuming you already know)🤷
  5. Own your own behavior (acknowledge any ways it may contribute to a problem between you)🙇
  6. Tolerate some defensiveness (Talking about difficult feelings gets easier with practice)💏
  7. Provide a solution (Suggest something your partner could do differently. Make it a request rather than a demand) 💡
Tips to support a romantic partner who has anxiety: @/notsosecretdiaryofanxiety
  1. Prace open and non-judgmental communication 🏞️
  1. Refrain from explaining why your partner shouldn't be afraid of something (Ask them why they are afraid of it and have a conversation about it)🙊
  1. Assure them that they are safe with you 🔐
  1. A good day for you may look different than a good day for them 🧭
  1. Take care of yourself and live your life 🎆
  1. Don't try to "fix" your partner 🛠️
Reminders:
Signs of Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment in Adult Relationships: @/thebraincoach
Things to remember when you love someone with depression:
  1. Depression is not a choice or a personal failure. It leaves the person struggling with it paralyzed in their own mind and body. Most times they are unable to do the things they love or know they should be doing. Depression is not just a bad day or a bad mood. It's not something you can just get over because you ask them to. 🏚️🏠
  2. There are times🕔 they have to push you away because they are afraid of being a burden and putting additional strain on the relationship
  3. You're allowed to be frustrated😓. Regardless of how they feel, they are fully aware that it's hard for you as well
  4. Its important to discuss🤝 and create🎨 boundaries🌻
  5. A person with depression becomes overwhelmed quite easily 🤕
  6. Try not to compare your experiences with theirs
  7. Remember that depression is not an indicator of someone's strength💪. It is not a sign of weakness
  8. Help them keep clutter at bay 🧹
  9. tack depression as a team. It's hard to go through it alone. Knowing they have someone in their corner is comforting. 🥇
  10. Learn the symptoms of depression so that you can better understand what they are going through
  11. Learn to separate their depression from who they really are. Don't define them by their illness
  12. Practice self care 🏋️
  13. Love them unconditionally that's what they need, assurance that you love and are there for them 💞
Ways to cope with resentment in a relationship; @/alyssamariewellness
  1. Acknowledge and validate how you're feeling 🔦
  2. Explore additional feelings underneath the resentment 👐
  3. Talk about what's bothering you (address both current triggers and the root of the issue)
  4. If talking about it is too difficult practice how to communicate your frustrations with a friend 💌
  5. Find an outlet for your feelings (movement, writing or creativity)💃
  6. Pay attention to the stories 📄you are telling yourself about the other person, and practice challenging them
  7. Learn self- soothing strategies 🎤
  8. Ask yourself "what parts of me are they activating"🎯
  9. Practice radical acceptance. ♻️
What Anxiety looks like in a relationship: @/realdepressionproject
submitted by eggypoooo to therapytips [link] [comments]


2020.10.11 06:48 SaintJonathon77 Candyflip Dosage + DMT

Trying to find a good dosage for a date night and home. Am I going to have function of my penis, taken mushroom and MDMA with zero issue having sex. Anyone hit DMT on LSD let alone a Candyflip? I have a cart of DMT I been holding on to and want to breakthrough!
submitted by SaintJonathon77 to Drugs [link] [comments]


2020.10.10 20:50 egodeathbarbie Dear young queers, (advice + love from your enby aunt)

I'm 27 years old and I'm in the process of coming out as nonbinary. I came out as bisexual at 19 in what feels like a totally different world. I wanted to say how impressed I am by all the Gen Zers who are figuring out their identities - y'all are so introspective and brave, asking yourselves these hard questions and grappling with the consequences in spite of everything else going on in the world. So I want to tell y'all about my experiences and give a little bit of advice for anyone struggling right now 💜 This is my story of growing up queer in the South in the 90s/00s.
1. My Story
(tl;dr: Grew up in a conservative town in the South, repressed my identity for many years, came out as bi in college, coming out as nonbinary now with a serious partner and full-time job.)
I grew up in the 90s in the South. My parents were relatively liberal, but I was surrounded by conservatives that are now right-wing extremists. (I went to high school with a mass shooter that targeted a Hispanic church.) Some of my earliest memories were of me telling my mom that I hated dresses and skirts and the color pink. I remember being sooo mad that in the summer my brothers could play outside with their shirts off but I couldn't.
My whole life, I gravitated to girls and boys equally. My friends were always split 50/50. I had my first kiss with a boy on the playground in preschool. I had my first kiss with a girl in gym class in the 1st grade. I had a crush on a boy in the 5th grade, then I had a crush on a girl in the 6th grade. I thought I might be bisexual, but bisexual was a dirty word, so I shoved those feelings deep down inside.
Meanwhile, I was dressing in boys clothes because I hated the feeling of growing a chest and wanted to hide it. I had no idea this was dysphoria at the time - my mom put it down to me being a stubborn tomboy and just wanting to rebel in some way. We finally compromised on me wearing a wardrobe strictly consisting of jeans, t-shirts, and Converse.
I graduated high school in 2011, so I was there from 2007 - 2011. My friends and I were deeply closeted, but we still managed to find our fellow queers. The first two guys I dated both turned out to be gay. I think we could feel that we saw each other and understood each other in ways other people didn't. I don't know if they were truly attracted to me or if they just felt pressured to get a girlfriend so people wouldn't suspect they were gay. Nowadays one of them is settled down with his partner of 6 years in the mountains in Colorado, and the other travels the world.
I went to a big public university in the South. I came out my sophomore year. I was dating a guy and told him about a sex dream I had involving a woman. He looked confused and asked me if I was bisexual. Something clicked. I told him yes, I guess I was bisexual. He told me he was bisexual too. We threw a coming out party and like 6 of our friends came out of the closet at once. It was nuts. A few months later, he broke my heart when he broke up with me because I reminded him too much of his mom. It be like that sometimes.
I dated a couple girls, but nothing turned into anything serious. I ended up moving to San Francisco after I graduated and dating a guy here for several years. I remember one conversation we had that pushed me further into the closet. I mentioned that I went through phases where I wore guy's clothes and in no uncertain terms he told me he found that unattractive and would leave me if that was the case. So I grew my hair out and wore more skirts to keep him. I finally broke up with him because he was dead set on having biological children, and I knew I couldn't make myself go through that. (As I would later learn, I have dysphoria around pregnancy/childbirth/breastfeeding.)
So that brings us to today. I've been dating a really great, supportive guy for several years now. We were on the same page about wanting to adopt kids. But something in our sex life was off. It finally clicked one night when he grabbed my boob and I screamed at him. I hate my chest being touched. I have chest dysphoria. Suddenly, a whole fucking lifetime of signs made sense.
My partner had some trouble processing it. He's a cishet so he hasn't had much exposure to gender issues. It took us a few weeks to get to a place where he really accepted it. Then I told my close friends. They were all very happy for me.
I start a new job next week. I'm going to ask them to use they/them pronouns. I'm so nervous and excited.
2. Advice
  1. You are lovable. As the queer person you are, you are whole. You do not need to change to fit societal ideals so somebody will love you. People will tell you you need to dress a certain way and look a certain way to find a partner. The SF dating scene proves that that shit ain't true. Strive to be the best version of yourself and the rest will fall into place.
  2. It gets easier. As you get older, you have more control over the people you surround yourself with. I live thousands of miles away from my family and don't plan to tell them any time soon.
  3. Take it one day at a time. These things may feel pressing but you have your whole life to figure it out.
My DMs are always open if anyone wants to chat. 💚
Love,
Your Enby Aunt
submitted by egodeathbarbie to genderqueer [link] [comments]


2020.10.10 16:01 aidrefh 25 y/o btm + Low Sex Drive, can't be arsed with Hook ups any more

Recently I've had this wave come over me where I'm just really disinterested in sex and any of the dating apps.
It's kind of like I over used these apps in the past and the hassle involved in trying to find a potential match and meeting up has take away any kind of desire to follow through with these guys online.
I'm just over it I guess and the low sex drive doesn't help. Any one else in the same boat?
submitted by aidrefh to askgaybros [link] [comments]


2020.10.07 22:01 Dora247 Advekit.com review - finding therapists by specialty (ADHD!) + insurance type / therapy style

tl;dr potential holy grail for US folk in certain states: Advekit is a website that matches you+therapists by specialty area (e.g. ADHD!) + insurance/therapy style. Also shows upfront costs - what you'd actually pay after insurance.
Disclaimer: I'm not affiliated with it in any way other than hope + curiosity. I am not a therapist or credentialed mental health provider. Cross-posting to a few mental health subs.
Has anyone used it and would be able to share their experiences?
Anyone now inspired to use it who can report back to the sub with your thoughts?
----
I keep seeing ads for Advekit. It looks like a rad tool if you're in the US (currently only 7 states) and trying to find a therapist that checks all the boxes (ADHD, in-network or affordable, therapy style, particular gender, in-person or online-only, etc etc).
Finding a care team (therapist, psychiatrist, other) who truly understands ADHD SHOULD NOT BE A CRAPSHOOT. It should not be so freaking convoluted, demoralizing and painful. I wonder if Advekit is the holy grail, or at least the mental health equivalent of a power tool when your toolbox used to be one shitty too-small Philips-head screwdriver.
I noodled around with it since I'm trying to help a coaching client in distress whose current therapist can't help in a particular specialty area.
Stop here if you don't need/want to nerd out further.

===== OVERVIEW OF THE MATCHING QUESTIONS =====
They don't have a detailed summary of the questions they ask unless you fill out the questionnaire, so I did it for you. (I can't stand having to surrender my personal info and fill out pages of questions only to find out they're not asking the right questions and wondering if it's useful at all).
I was really interested to see this question on what's your ideal therapist's role during the session. I've seen this make or break a therapy relationship AND make/break a person's views on therapy - if you need more tactical skills, you don't want the therapist to just sit back and let you talk, and if you're in need of validation you really really don't want a therapist with a firm hand.
The full questionnaire if you pick INDIVIDUAL at first. Idk what would change for couples/child/etc.
===== further thoughts from a product manager perspective =====
My experience with "find a provider by specialty" tools (e.g. PsychologyToday or health insurance) as a patient and client advocate is that providers self-report their specialty areas and there's no way to verify whether they're a generalist who pays lip service to ("I've learned about ADHD so I can treat patients with it, no problem") or has deep experience and specific expertise in recognizing + treating the many ways it presents. Therapists are humans, and therefore both fallible AND biased. Evidence: so many heartbreaking tales of "you obviously don't have ADHD because you don't fit the stereotype" directly stated by mental health providers.
I also don't know whether Advekit's therapist specialty area questions are more nuanced (rate your expertise in this area from 1-5) or simply binary yes/no. More granularity would help offset the inaccuracy+bias of self-reporting.
Most of the time, patient/client feedback on providers is limited, for many valid reasons (confidentiality, stigma, trustworthiness of review hosting sites (Yelp has a reputation for not removing flagged reviews unless businesses pay for that service), inherent polarization of reviews). So there's not often a way to verify the level of expertise a provider claims to have regarding specialty areas.
The advantage of a tool like Advekit is that there's a way to ground-truth a therapist's self-reported specialty: since billing is done through Advekit there's continued contact with the patient/client (i.e. not only at the therapist-matching stage) . I have no idea whether they do this or not. If I were PM, that's what I'd be thinking about as a way to not only improve the algorithm but also make happier experiences for the humans involved! (better matches mean longer relationships i.e. less churn, more consistent income stream for therapist, higher therapeutic effectiveness, HEALTHIER HAPPIER CLIENTS, the list goes on).
I'm curious whether therapist-selected client gender preferences might lead to false negative matches e.g. "prefer not to say" is incompatible with "female + male". It's worth noting that the matching algorithm may exclude matches that are otherwise appropriate.
Selecting remote-only therapy seems to prioritize Zip code proximity, which doesn't necessarily equate to the best match within your State (providers need to be licensed in the same State as their patients reside).
Currently in 7 states (CA, CT, IL, NJ, NY, PA, WA) but there's no waitlist or "keep me posted when you expand to a new state" button. That would be a nice improvement.

DM me if you have suggestions for other things you'd like to see reviews of from a similar perspective.
submitted by Dora247 to ADHDers [link] [comments]


2020.10.07 21:57 Dora247 Advekit.com review - finding therapists by specialty (ADHD!) + insurance type / therapy style

tl;dr potential holy grail for US folk in certain states: Advekit is a website that matches you+therapists by specialty area (e.g. ADHD!) + insurance/therapy style. Also shows upfront costs - what you'd actually pay after insurance.
Disclaimer: I'm not affiliated with it in any way other than hope + curiosity. I am not a therapist or credentialed mental health provider. Cross-posting to a few mental health subs.
Has anyone used it and would be able to share their experiences?
Anyone now inspired to use it who can report back to the sub with your thoughts?
----
I keep seeing ads for Advekit. It looks like a rad tool if you're in the US (currently only 7 states) and trying to find a therapist that checks all the boxes (ADHD, in-network or affordable, therapy style, particular gender, in-person or online-only, etc etc).
Finding a care team (therapist, psychiatrist, other) who truly understands ADHD SHOULD NOT BE A CRAPSHOOT. It should not be so freaking convoluted, demoralizing and painful. I wonder if Advekit is the holy grail, or at least the mental health equivalent of a power tool when your toolbox used to be one shitty too-small Philips-head screwdriver.
I noodled around with it since I'm trying to help a coaching client in distress whose current therapist can't help in a particular specialty area.
Stop here if you don't need/want to nerd out further.

===== OVERVIEW OF THE MATCHING QUESTIONS =====
They don't have a detailed summary of the questions they ask unless you fill out the questionnaire, so I did it for you. (I can't stand having to surrender my personal info and fill out pages of questions only to find out they're not asking the right questions and wondering if it's useful at all).
I was really interested to see this question on what's your ideal therapist's role during the session. I've seen this make or break a therapy relationship AND make/break a person's views on therapy - if you need more tactical skills, you don't want the therapist to just sit back and let you talk, and if you're in need of validation you really really don't want a therapist with a firm hand.
The full questionnaire if you pick INDIVIDUAL at first. Idk what would change for couples/child/etc.
===== further thoughts from a product manager perspective =====
My experience with "find a provider by specialty" tools (e.g. PsychologyToday or health insurance) as a patient and client advocate is that providers self-report their specialty areas and there's no way to verify whether they're a generalist who pays lip service to ("I've learned about ADHD so I can treat patients with it, no problem") or has deep experience and specific expertise in recognizing + treating the many ways it presents. Therapists are humans, and therefore both fallible AND biased. Evidence: so many heartbreaking tales of "you obviously don't have ADHD because you don't fit the stereotype" directly stated by mental health providers.
I also don't know whether Advekit's therapist specialty area questions are more nuanced (rate your expertise in this area from 1-5) or simply binary yes/no. More granularity would help offset the inaccuracy+bias of self-reporting.
Most of the time, patient/client feedback on providers is limited, for many valid reasons (confidentiality, stigma, trustworthiness of review hosting sites (Yelp has a reputation for not removing flagged reviews unless businesses pay for that service), inherent polarization of reviews). So there's not often a way to verify the level of expertise a provider claims to have regarding specialty areas.
The advantage of a tool like Advekit is that there's a way to ground-truth a therapist's self-reported specialty: since billing is done through Advekit there's continued contact with the patient/client (i.e. not only at the therapist-matching stage) . I have no idea whether they do this or not. If I were PM, that's what I'd be thinking about as a way to not only improve the algorithm but also make happier experiences for the humans involved! (better matches mean longer relationships i.e. less churn, more consistent income stream for therapist, higher therapeutic effectiveness, HEALTHIER HAPPIER CLIENTS, the list goes on).
I'm curious whether therapist-selected client gender preferences might lead to false negative matches e.g. "prefer not to say" is incompatible with "female + male". It's worth noting that the matching algorithm may exclude matches that are otherwise appropriate.
Selecting remote-only therapy seems to prioritize Zip code proximity, which doesn't necessarily equate to the best match within your State (providers need to be licensed in the same State as their patients reside).
Currently in 7 states (CA, CT, IL, NJ, NY, PA, WA) but there's no waitlist or "keep me posted when you expand to a new state" button. That would be a nice improvement.

DM me if you have suggestions for other things you'd like to see reviews of from a similar perspective.
submitted by Dora247 to adhdwomen [link] [comments]


2020.10.04 00:45 kharder811 I’m married to a narcissist, and I’m finally out of denial. Narcissist + bipolar =

Hell. 100%. I don’t know what to do now. I’m supposed to be working on a backup plan- my therapist is trying to help coach me through this. However, it seems that once again I’m stuck. I have no job since COVID, all of my savings and all of my money from my mother’s inheritance and my credit cards maxed out. Again. (Somehow I’m always footing the bill while my husband chases his next big dream of success.... he’s going to be 40btw. And this is not the first time. I have nobody and nothing and he knows I have nowhere to go. Anyways, since my last therapy session I have become acutely aware of his cruelty, the passive aggressive comments, demeaning comments, embarrassing comments, straight up disgusting behavior. Every time I am healthy mentally he sees it, and he begins to tear me down. Then I do something that he can punish me for because he knows my stability is thread bare so he can treat me like shit even more because I deserve it (I no longer believe I deserve it, as of recently).My kids are now being affected, I can tell. He is actually silently and insidiously involving my daughter- has been for a while now I’m seeing. She is 13. Happening for Atleast 3 years. He loves to humiliate me. I didn’t really pay much attention. But for the last week I see it. Constantly. It is SO HARD to swallow and not respond. It makes me physically ill. So he’s been extremely rude and terrible and demeaning. I started defending myself by calling him out on his rudeness. Just like I do my own children if they are rude (btw they aren’t rude and are pretty awesome. I’d like to keep it that way. I don’t want their kids to think it’s ok. I grew up like that and I will not allow them to grow up not knowing how the fuck they are supposed to be treated, and how to treat others. They need to know what’s ok and what’s not ok. Just now, on cue it seems, my husband totally fucking yelled at me and talked to me in his “you’re a piece of shit” tone of voice. Made me feel guilty because I backed out of a play date tonight because I don’t feel good. I have been sick to my stomach all day. I need to see a doctor. Basically it turned into, you’re a piece of shit, you say you don’t feel good, you aren’t doing enough around the house, you’re making excuses and I think you’re disgusting. I am thinking about threatening to leave you” gone of voice. Well how does one go about keeping the peace, and having sex, with someone who literally disgusts you so you can get your shit in order and leave? What he did tonight really was a make me really sick moment. My daughter has a friend over and he kept riling me up, then telling me I’m an asshole and I need to keep it down. So I ask him to leave because I’m too worked up to talk calmly. This is always a big mistake. That lets him know he’s doing it right. Guys, help me. Please, if anyone knows what this is like, and has tips, words of strength, etc. please tell me what to do. I have my two kids that mean the world. I don’t know what to do. According to my therapist, being an empath alongside bipolar (many of us are empathetic by nature), makes me a likely target. I’m fucking sick to my stomach right now. I want to leave. I can’t. I won’t ruin this for my kids tonight. That’s what he wants. That’s what used to happen so many times before. Then he can tell my kids, “I don’t know where mommy went” when they ask, and he knows why I left. I have to cool off. He bombards me with texts and tells my kids he doesn’t know where I went?
submitted by kharder811 to BipolarSOs [link] [comments]


2020.10.03 23:30 Zoyobis How dating apps like tinder, badoo, etc, affect reboot (reflection + exp)

Dating apps like badoo, tinder, etc have hurt me
I have already been one year and 12 days since i started my journey in nofap, when i did not know how to relate to anyone, i was a damn shy man full of problems with pornography, since then nofap has improved my life drastically, i have failed many times throughout of the nofap process, i have understood that i do not need the approval of women or any other person to feel good, i have to understand it again now damn it, damn society...
(I want to vent in this text, sorry if it is not understood)
Damn it, because i was looking at dating apps where only people come to look for sex, because i feel less about seeing this type of people who teach naked and body both women and men alike, enter tinder, alone and bored , wanting to feel me loved, thinking it would be a good idea to have to find women with whom i can chat, what a fool i am...
Very good very good, i started downloading badoo and tinder (after i had installed spotafriends), excited and curious to see women behind a screen that i could meet and "make a friendship", my intentions were not basically friends, entering badoo i created my account and i started to see matches, there were very few close in my area, thanks to god, but i feel something, i start to wonder, are these people looking for a partner really serious, i mean, how empty can these people's lives be, or could it be that i'm seeing it wrong, could it be that these people are actually looking to promote themselves, no fucking idea, i met beautiful women, the style i like, but again i say, they have beautiful b612 and snapchat filters and stickers and all that shit, but how would they be in real life, would they be that pretty? and would it be worth meeting someone like that? damn i am, i sent messages to those in my area, anxiously awaiting their response, but deep down i knew that simply nothing was going to happen, even if it happened they would just start talking to me the first day and they would fade quickly, not satisfied with that i started with...
SPOTAFRIENDS
I am someone young, i will probably be successful here, it is for "friends" right?
Haha i was wrong, i went in and saw that i had a saved account, surely the old me in pmo, well, let's see...
Any beautiful girls again, sharing their instagrams, but oh surprise something bad happened...
Scrolling matches with my phone, i found a strong trigger, it was a scantily clad woman, of great proportions, blond hair, but i said to myself, are you really looking for women? do not lie to yourself, this is soft porn, my brain excited by what it saw, i did not want to forget it, but i said i had, let's see, here are women who only seek your attention to feel good, in these applications there are profiles from bots even fake accounts, how do you know she's real? as an excuse to see who he was, i took a screenshot of his semi-naked body and, oh surprise, it's someone with millions of followers on instagram, and he had nudes, my brain was very excited, but he didn't even allow me to click, the least impressive was realizing it was fake, close the app and save the photo.
The same thing happened on tinder, women with filters, with images of them very beautiful, suddenly i saw a rather curious profile, another one with large busts with a single photo, but this was the worst, it had p videos, it was not a damn model , i saw some shit news that said that i change a successful profession in exchange for p, my brain thought, he may be doing great, don't you think? but i say later, it can be great, but that does not compensate for the little joy and freedom that women have inside, stop being irrational, not all of them are there for the same thing, there will be stars too stupid to sell their body and make us think that she likes it and they earn well and all that shit, it maybe, but on the other side there are stars who repent and want to commit suicide, behind the scenes, do you want to continue supporting the exploitation?...
Dating apps are basically softporn, seeing women and wanting to have a relationship with them through a dating app is in a cowardly and loser, i wouldn't even have had the need to do that if only i realized that everything is illusory and nothing it's real, i'm sure that 90% of conversations between women will fade quickly and that users are there for something easy and simple, do you know what i told them?, fuck them.
It was 12:40 am, lying between my sheets with dopamine to see these women more closely, i delete photos and delete all accounts, even feeling the impulse i went to sleep...
I'm on nofap, am i looking for pleasure or am i looking to improve myself? my reboot is very important because if i mess it up, when am i going to be able to heal myself from all the damn pornography? one more week? one more month? the same applies to the life, pleasure or improvement, junk food or healthy food? play video games and surfing, or build the life in steps?
Guys, don't be like me, i almost lost my head thinking about why i couldn't see those women, my brain thinks that i cut with a sexy girl, i feel the impulses, i want and i'm going to reach 100 days by christmas, let's go one day at a time brothers...

I recommend you delete that shit

submitted by Zoyobis to NoFap [link] [comments]


2020.10.03 05:57 Subject_Sock_8427 3 hours + worth of sex and I never get to cum... am I broken?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for sometime, and every time we have sex, it always results in only him finishing and sometimes we even go twice or three times and I never get to finish.. someone help me, am I broken? I can get myself there but for some reason I just can’t with sex. It’s enjoyable and he’s always trying different ways to pleasure me and he’s very patient with me. we also have very good communication during sex and he understands what I like. WHAT IS GOING WRONG HERE. AM I BROKEN OR WHAT?????
submitted by Subject_Sock_8427 to sex [link] [comments]


2020.10.01 08:36 alitamajor headache + baclofen + mood problems + caffeine + SWR on Disney +

not looking for dates or love, but fun and freedom + not gay enough + not straight enough + friends asleep + itchy right foot + cockroach paranoia + searching for a paycheck + lovin' independence + things aren't THAT bad + friends i met here give a shit about me, making me wanna pass that along + my couch is better than my bed + two lamps on + some eggs left for breakfast + pooping a lot bc i ate too much cereal lol + being young(ish) (pale skinny) + apparently male(?) + using a handkerchief like my mom's dad + the name Ezra rocks + Sabine Wren is so cute + oh fuck i just remembered i'm supposed to be horny every 00:54:32 seconds + i actually miss my old school, teachers, and bad lunches + no haircut til 2021 + helping someone with poetry tomorrow + rapid cycling (plus being accused of lying about my mental health) + insecurities + growing sense of "things will be OK" + things aren't OK + never trust a fart IBS + if you're reading this far please dm me the word cheese and ask me what episode I'm on + black lives do matter + no but + cops do have a place in society too + no but + i love my nephew + i miss you cassie + sosig + meds kicking in + i do simp and im not sorry + i never played among us and i dont intend to + dark mode is life + art + am i ever gonna believe that you love me? + plus it's not really sex I want, it's just love and cuddles + i need a good book to read + that perfect hug from someone a tad softer than I am where you both squeeze at the exact same time and they dont loosen until after you loosen + Luke Skywalker's theme is so beautiful + i am a sinner + i am no saint + I am a saint + and I want to stop sinning + poetry + Kanan just has to believe he can help Ezra + i don't want to die
submitted by alitamajor to teenagers [link] [comments]


2020.10.01 01:06 BeneficialNet Is there any hope? Sexually, speaking [29M + 28F]

A few years ago, I realized that I cannot be happy in a strictly monogamous relationship. I don't necessarily need a completely open relationship (though this wouldn't bother me), but if I knew I would live the rest of my life without threesomes and moresomes, I would be very sad indeed.
I had this realization about two years into a relationship. I really thought that maybe fantasies are just fantasies and I could live without them, but no -- fantasies are what gives me pep in my step, spark in my eyes; it's the very pursuit of fantasies (sexual or otherwise) that makes a life well-lived.
For context, in all my my previous relationships, I dated bi-girls and we had amazing group experiences. Those experiences always strengthened the relationship and, honestly, probably made me stay in some relationships (which I should have left for other reasons) longer than I should have. My current relationship is the only one in which my girlfriend wasn't down for this, but I *really* got along with her in every other respect, so I thought that maybe the days of group fun had to be behind me, for I met "the one".
But I now realize that true partners are literally that -- partners in fulfilling each other's goals and fantasies. "The one" cannot be the one unless they are a true partner. However, what happens when each of your goals appear to be incompatible?
When I told my girlfriend how I felt, she didn't seem happy. She never would have asked for this. But we agreed to try and see if we could make it could work.
Fast forward, it's been three years since the talk and we still have not had an MFF threesome. We've done a few things with couples, mostly bad experiences, and one MMF threesome (which she did like). She does not seem enthused about such prospects, she hardly ever brings it up on her own, and when I bring it up, it's a 50/50 that she'll get mad.
I figure that this just isn't what she wants, and that's fine. We should break up. If our goals are incompatible, how can we be partners?
However, when I talk to her about this, she insists that she is indeed truly down for this. She points out how the only porn she watches is girl-on-girl. She says that she never even considered this as a possibility because she grew up conservatively but earnestly thinks that she would like it. She says that her lack of enthusiasm and quickness to anger has been due to past bad experiences, but she is willing to try again. She points out that her willingness to try again even after bad experiences should prove how she does indeed see this as a possibility for the future. We just need to find the right couple first, have good experiences, then eventually try having experiences with other girls. We need to take it slow and, above all, we just need more time.
But it's been three years.
I love her.
Is there any hope?
tl;dr: I cannot be happy without group sex. Girlfriend says we can work towards it, but it's been three years and we are nowhere near there. She has reasons, but I'm not sure if we'll ever get there.
P.S. Over the last three years, I have felt my sexual "spark" dwindle. Your partner should be your partner in making your fantasies come true -- but instead I more and more feel like my partner is what prevents my fantasies from becoming true. This has really killed a lot of the drive for me. I can see now why swingeopen/poly couples all report finding their own partner more attractive as time goes on. I am hoping that it's possible for the passion to be rekindled, if I were only to see her as the fulfiller of fantasies rather than the killer of fantasies.
submitted by BeneficialNet to relationships [link] [comments]


2020.09.28 15:39 MrMagius Start of Week #1 Check-in! Cut-off for this check-in will be, Thursday, October 1, at 11:59 PM Eastern Daylight Time. - Weight Loss scale photos only + Everyone Progress posts. - Date extended one day due to my failure to post yesterday :/

Start of Week #1 Check-in! Cut-off for this check-in will be, Thursday, October 1, at 11:59 PM Eastern Daylight Time (EDT)

Read this entire page so that you are not disqualified by missing any important steps
Click here for an invite to the FitChallenge discord server

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT

There is still no bot, so recording of participants will again be done manually by, MrMagius. This means you will need to correctly follow the posting format with the category at the beginning as such:
Category/Week #/Sex/Weight in lbs.
Weight Loss/Week ??/(Male/Female)/??? lbs -or- Physique/Week ??/(Male/Female)

If you do not correctly post, your submission will be invalid and you will need to repost.

Weight Loss

Weight Loss Check-in Rules:
1) Take photos of scale ONLY using the verification word/phrase "PATIENCE".
2) Go here and fill out this form. This is for the weekly weight tracker and is REQUIRED.
3) Upload Scale photo to imgur. They do not need to be public for us to see them.
4) Create new text post using the format show below. Add your photo into the text post, not in a comment.
Weekly check-ins will be due by 11:59 PM Eastern Daylight Time (EDT) on each Wednesday of the competition. During each weekly check-in, competitors will be required to post a photo of the scale display with verification word as well as making a short text post giving us an idea of your progression. For example, you could answer these questions: What are your goals? Are you achieving them? How?. Full Body front, back, and at least one side photo are required for the registration, mid-point, and final check-ins. The check-in post title will tell you when full body photos are required. Photos must be taken in the same, or very similar, non-baggy clothing each week, preferably either underwear or a swimsuit and showing as much skin as possible. If NSFW, please mark your post as such. The only photo editing allowed will be to cover your face or any identifying marks. At least the Front photo and Scale photo need to have a handwritten sign containing a word or phrase chosen by /FitChallenge mods. Please take photos relaxed and not flexed standing straight, with your arms loosely hanging at your sides. Photos must be hosted on imgur and linked in your text post. Please remember to update us on your goals or other progress this week.
Submit these photos to the subreddit and title your post in this format:
Weight Loss/Week #/Male or Female/### lbs (ex. Weight Loss/Week 8/Female/154 lbs)

PHYSIQUE

Physique Check-in Rules:
1) Create new text post using the format show below. No photos required.
Weekly check-ins will be due by 11:59 PM Eastern Daylight Time (EDT) on each Wednesday of the competition. During each weekly check-in, competitors will be required to make a short text post giving us an idea of your progression. For example, you could answer these questions: What are your goals? Are you achieving them? How? Full Body front, back, and at least one side photo are required for the registration, mid-point, and final check-ins. The check-in post title will tell you when full body photos are required. Photos must be taken in the same, or very similar, non-baggy clothing each week, preferably either underwear or a swimsuit and showing as much skin as possible. If NSFW, please mark your post as such. The only photo editing allowed will be to cover your face or any identifying marks. At least the Front photo and Scale photo need to have a handwritten sign containing a word or phrase chosen by /FitChallenge mods. Please take photos relaxed and not flexed standing straight, with your arms loosely hanging at your sides. Photos must be hosted on imgur and linked in your text post. Please remember to update us on your goals or other progress this week.
Submit these photos to the subreddit and title your post in this format:
Physique/Week #/Male or Female (ex. Physique/Week 8/Female)
submitted by MrMagius to FitChallenge [link] [comments]


2020.09.28 07:55 MD7KB Newb + Keeping it Platonic?

All,
I (26M) joined this group very recently in response to some fun it seems a friend (26F) wants to have together. The condensed version is this friend recently got out of a seven year same sex relationship, she’s jokingly hinted she’d date a guy, and we have jokingly said we’ll mary each other if we’re both still single at thirty. We basically have the same personality. There’s potential there for a great relationship irrespective of BDSM involvement.
Last week, this friend showed me a tinder thread where a guy (as she tests the waters with men for the first time in eight years) said he wanted to spoon feed her peanut butter. We both had a good laugh about it, which turned into me jokingly saying I’d spoon feed her peanut butter and not expect sex afterwards. She called my bluff, and Friday night she was tied down at the arms, ankles, and neck to my computer chair, blindfolded, as I spoon fed her Nutella. We had some laughs about it, and I thought that was that.
She confided in me she likes being choked. Again, somewhat jokingly, I told her we could do that. Fast forward an hour or so in conversation, this coming week she will, again, be tied up, choked, blindfolded, fed ice cream after following my instructions. We also want to introduce some other objects, hot and cold sensations, cat o nine dragged across the arm, etc for this session.
First, the kinkiest I’ve gotten before is a little bit of light choking. This is new to me. I enjoyed my role Friday, as ugly as I’m sure my knots were. She apparently enjoyed it enough to want to do it again. If I’m correct in assuming I’m the dom in this relationship, what are my responsibilities? What steps should she and I take before sessions to have the best experience possible?
To complicate things, given our friendship and where we are right now, it’s best if this remains platonic. I’m personally not opposed to dating her / having a more-than-friends relationship, but I’m not sure the timing is right. As mentioned above, she just got out of a pretty lousy relationship, and while she’s coming around to a M+F relationship, my worry is I’d be a rebound right now which could irreparably damage future chances when we’re both ready.
So! Any advice on exactly what type of BDSM-type relationship we have would be appreciated, who has what role, what our responsibilities are, etc. In addition, if anyone has advice on not catching feelings while we’re both doing something together that we both seem to really enjoy... well, as chickenshit as I fee needing to ask “how not to fall for literal dream girl...” I’ll take that advice too.
Thanks!
submitted by MD7KB to BDSMAdvice [link] [comments]


2020.09.27 20:19 illusion_believe Is there anyone on this sub from Scandinavian countries + Germany doing FDS ? Have you been successful?

I went to school with a lot of Germans. It was very common to see them chase men.
One of them even bought a small gift to a male colleague she liked when she traveled. They hooked up and after that he ghosted her.
She was so much more attractive than him and all the men at work were into her but she wanted that dude.
She had another boyfriend later on who was chasing her. She ended up dumping him because he was too clingy for her.
I realize now that she was in her wounded feminity. So many of us are!!! My friend living in Norway tells me that overthere, sex on the first date is the norm. First you have sex then you go on proper dates if there is a connexion.
Women who do FDS living there, have you been successful ?
submitted by illusion_believe to FemaleDatingStrategy [link] [comments]


2020.09.26 12:48 throwaway532235532 I [22M] overstepped my girlfriend's [21F] sexual boundaries + didn't realise the depth of the situation until she discussed it with me.

Background: My girlfriend Millie [21F] and I [22M] have been sleeping together for ~11 months, and dating in an official sense for around 6 months. We are very good at communicating with each other, and take pride in our ability to be lucid in discussing our relationship/friendship together. Our sexual relationship is similar in this sense - we are both very conversational in our boundaries and likes/dislikes, and have agreed that we are open for either partner to do/try anything they wish (within reason, and subject to always respecting being told to stop, of course).
One week ago (Day One), after a night of heavy drinking, we both left our group of friends and went back to my house and had sex together. Later that night/early morning, I attempted to initiate sex again with Millie which she then rejected and went back to sleep. Rather than accept this cue, I asked her if I could masturbate whilst laying next to her. Once again, she told me that she wanted to sleep and didn't wish to have sex. A few hours later that morning, we had sex together and hung out as usual. I then had to leave to catch a flight for a few days away with friends.
The next day (Day Two) whilst messaging, Millie brought this situation up. She told me that she wasn't upset by it, but that it had made her feel a little uncomfortable. After asking if she wanted to talk about it over the phone, she replied to say that we could talk the following day.
The following morning (Day Three) Millie messaged to say that she had spent the night at her ex-boyfriend Colin's house after he hosted a party, although they had slept in separate rooms. For context, Millie's relationship with Colin following their break-up has always been a point of contention between us. However, we have regular conversations about it and although their closeness does make me jealous, I acknowledge that this is a me problem and I try my hardest to respect it.
I told Millie that I felt a little weird that she had spent the night at Colin's house, given that she had expressed her uneasiness with my behaviour two nights previously. We argued about this for a while, before Millie told me that she was upset that I hadn't yet called her to discuss our sexual encounter on Day One, given the seriousness of it. Up until this moment, I hadn't been aware that my advances on Millie had such an emotional impact given our usual open/fluid sexual boundaries - however I do realise that asking to masturbate next to Millie in bed was a strange request
The more that Millie messaged me with her feelings about Day One, the more I realised that my behaviour had a serious emotional impact on her. She expressed feeling that in that moment, I had attempted to use her as a 'vehicle to get off' rather than it being an intimate and meaningful moment between two people that care about each other - which it always has been.
As this post is already quite long, I'm going to attempt to summarise: On Day Four we had a lengthy phone call where Millie expressed her feeling that I had caused her emotional pain, failed to recognise it and then not made time to contact her over the phone sooner. I feel that my judgement of the situation was blurred by: our usual sexual boundaries, being drunk when the situation took place, Millie not expressing the extent of her concern until Day Three, and the serious conversation not taking place until after she had spent the night at Colin's house.
After this phone call, I booked an earlier flight home and cut my break away short in order to discuss the situation in person. We have since talked for several hours in person about the situation.
How can I prove to Millie that I do recognise now that my behaviour has had a serious emotional impact on her? How can I strive to show that I care about Millie's feelings of safety with me in our friendship and relationship?
Why did I not realise myself, before Millie expressed her feelings, that my behaviour was wrong? I wish that I had realised in the moment, or soon after, that it was WEIRD. I do not know how to express to Millie that I just, in the moment, didn't?
submitted by throwaway532235532 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.25 01:46 john-mist Thinking about vasectomy for birth control (Young, unsure about being a father) + Doubts about female contraceptives

I'm about to leave for college (21 y/o), I want to start dating and I'm sure my sex life will start there. I tend to be committed to relationships and I don't think I will have many sex partners.
The thing is, I'm quite sure I don't want to be a father. I really don't want to risk getting a surprise pregnancy. I'm in a very uncertain career path (art), and I have other personal reasons for not wanting kids. But maybe I'm still too young to decide this. I might have a change of heart in the future.
After reading about condom efficiency and it being only 85% effective, I don't want to risk the other 15%. I also don't want to ask my partners to take birth control pills or other female contraceptives. I wouldn't be happy about them taking those since I understand that they are too aggressive, have bad secondary effects and change women's moods. (Is this true? I have no one to ask this to).
After doing my research, I'm thinking about getting a vasectomy. If I ever wanted kids, I would either try a reverse vasectomy or IVF. Another solution could be adoption, which I also think is a great alternative.
I'm really curious, what would women/my partners think of this? I don't want them to feel uncomfortable.
Is this the best thing I can do?
I'd really appreciate your advice. Thank you!
submitted by john-mist to birthcontrol [link] [comments]


2020.09.22 02:22 DeliciousImpact Why men who like paying for women want to start with coffee dates + why that is not being lazy, just being smart.

So I saw a post the other day about splitting the bill, sushi, coffee, etc and while I agreed with the poster on pretty much every point she made I did feel it was important to talk about one main point of disagreement, that being coffee dates are "low effort" and that women don't go on dates to get free food.
To start, sadly, like how men use women for sex women use men for $$$. Check this out: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1948550619856308 -> This is a peer-reviewed study where 1/5 women admit to going on dates for free food and lacking a romantic interest in the guys (this is self reported so the actual number should be higher). Not only that, but these women have what is know as the "Dark Triad" personality type (info on DT personality type) which is one you most definitely want to avoid.
For guys who pay all the time, it isn't a matter of not wanting to pay, but rather following the old adage of "the only girl worth 'SIMPing' for is your wife" or put more reasonably, "we want to treat the girls we go out with-it makes us happy, but we want to make sure you are in it for the right reasons" and so the coffee date.
I really hope women don't think we go on coffee dates because we are cheap, or want to be lazy, or whatever other reason. Again, we don't mind paying for you (seriously, most studies show men believe they should pay on dates more than women believe men should pay) we actually like it, but just like you fear being used for sex we fear being a meal ticket. It makes us feel worthless- at least the guy liked your body, we don't even get that form of validation.
So if a guy is insistent on a coffee date odds are he wants to pay for you, but just wants to see if you guys get along first (I'd imagine a dinner with someone who you don't get along with would be very, very uncomfortable) so perhaps give him a shot and see where he takes you for date 2?
Also, p.s. telling a guy who is worried about being a meal ticket that he should focus on his career if he is so worried about losing money is gaslighting. I don't care how rich you are, being used is a horrible feeling. It is not about the money, it is about the emotions you feel when she ghosts you after your 80$ meal, which you footed the bill for (not that you have a right to a 2nd date but I'd rather be ghosted after a 6$ coffee date). Guys if she insists on a restaurant date for the first date, put aside how your parents raised you and split the bill, pay for dates on your terms is my advice.
Stay safe and good luck!
submitted by DeliciousImpact to dating_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.19 17:46 throwawaymanca Want an orgy with OLTR + plates

Long ass post ahead, please read!
Long time lurker, first time poster, but I really have immense respect for the bros and the community. This might sound ridiculous (to a point it is) but hear me out.
Background stats:
33 years old, 6'3", 190 lbs, gym activity - 7/7 days (personal trainer), pretty well off, living in CA.
Background story:
In my early teenage years, I was addicted to porn and was a loser, couldn't get a girl to go out on a date with me for the world. When I went to college I was amazed by how my buddies could sleep around with those hoes, and I couldn't even hook up with a real girl, until one night that happened with one of the hottest chicks in my social circle. She had just been dumped by her boyfriend for another girl, and she was crying on my shoulder. Being a fucking beta back then, my intention was to only comfort her but she was drunk and ended up sucking my dick.
That night she very casually took my virginity, and I thought I had entered heaven. On the next day, I sent her flowers and a box of chocolates with a shy note that I wanted to see her again because I thought that now she would be my girlfriend. A few days later she texted to thank me and said that she would love to but she was busy with school and shit. A week passed, and I saw her back with her boyfriend making out. I was hurt, of course and decided to never speak to her again. Big words, I know.
A month later, we saw each other at another party and she was upset again. Initially, I was a bit reluctant to talk to her but she explained that it was a mistake and it wouldn't happen again. I believed her tears and tried to forget what I had seen. She sobbingly admitted that her boyfriend had cheated on her multiple times but she couldn't take it anymore and finally decided to break it off with him. She fucked me again that night, and I thought how I wanted to marry her after college.
Meanwhile my buddies were telling me to drop her cause she was a slut and was gonna break my heart eventually. I wouldn't listen though because I had developed hard oneitis and had feelings. She was a solid 9 and had already slept with me twice... I couldn't be happier. So this time I texted her and asked her out on a real date which to my surprise she promptly accepted.
I took her to a very fancy restaurant, she ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, and I gladly paid for everything. In the end I walked her to her dorm like a true gentleman, she gave me a quick peck on the lips saying that I was very cute and I went back home smiling like an idiot.
Second date was in like a week because she was busy, and I was looking forward to it. In the meantime I would text her every day and would sometimes send her flowers to which she always replied "thanks, you are so sweet". I took her to the mall and she chose a very sexy mini skirt and some organic makeup, which I happily bought for her. We made out heavily in my car and when I suggested that we should go back to my place she said she had an exam coming tomorrow and wanted to get some sleep. I said that was fine and that I couldn't wait to see her again. In the end, I decided to declare my undying love and commitment to her and also told her that she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. She smiled and said, "Awwww, this is so sweet, thank you". Next, I got another peck, this time on the cheek and she left my car. My blue pill (pun intended) balls were going to explode but I finally relieved that by fantasizing about her big boobs once I went back home.
Then she wouldn't respond for days on end after I sent her multiple texts, even apologizing if I had offended her somehow. Eventually she responded, saying it was ok, how busy she had been with school and that we could see each other again soon.
Long story short... A friend of mine told me to come down to Earth and realize that this girl wasn't for me. I was in love though and thought that he was just jealous of my happiness until he said he had seen her making out with her ex-boyfriend. I didn't want to believe him so I immediately went to see her. I knocked a few times on her dorm room, and that's when my blue pill veil was finally lifted from my eyes. Her ex opened the door almost naked, demanding to know what the fuck I wanted from his girlfriend. "Baby who is that? Actually never mind, tell them to come back later" she said from inside the room. I didn't respond, just left speechless, ran home, and felt like shit for a good couple of weeks. One of my buddies told me that I should fuck other chicks to get her off my mind and that lifting would help.
I started going to the gym religiously and soon found out that lifting really did make a difference. It would me help me tremendously not just with my limited mindset but also with the ladies. One of the guys there introduced me to the red pill. The rest is history... Eventually, I swore to myself that I would not let a woman disrespect me ever again.
Fast forward to today...
For over a year, I've been in a one-sided relationship with this lovely 21 year old, 9.5/10 Latina, who is kind of addicted to me. I vetted her for about 2 years before that and she's total LTR material - never bitches, insatiable in bed, shit tests don't exist, n count = 2 (I'm her 2nd), and she knows that she's only allowed to sleep with me cause I ain't a fucking cuck. I'm not going to marry her cause commitment is not my thing, but if it were she would probably be the one. I intend to keep her for now. She takes care of my house, my dogs, cooks me delicious, organic food, and sucks dick like a pornstar.
On the side, I have 4 other plates that I spin. The youngest is a hard 9/10, 19 year old former Instagram Queen whose virginity I took and the oldest one is 24, a fellow personal trainer, obsessed with anal. Another one is an ex Playboy bunny who is madly in love with me and the 4th one is the super sexy daughter of a rich Californian businessman, who believes his little girl is still a virgin.
Yeah, they all know about each other and sometimes it's hard for me to maintain their jealousy. None of them is allowed to fuck other guys. I'd check their phones randomly and they can't hoe around on the internet or IRL.
My dread game is very much up-to-date, but I also have some comfort game cause I know how female nature works. Sex is always on demand whenever and however I want it, and my balls are usually empty. I have paid for all of their IUDs and of course we don't use condoms although I would sometimes fuck random thots.
So everything is more than great but I have one problem...
I want to fuck all 5 of them at the same time, but they are very jealous of each other and hate the thought they have to share me with other women anyway. I have been fantasizing about this for a while now but really none of them seems to be down to that.
Any ideas how this could happen without much drama? Any input would be highly appreciated!
P.S. Special thanks to Amanda aka Mandee in Washington DC for opening my eyes in college. That woman changed my life for the better.
TL;DR Got red pilled in college, became the man I was supposed to be, got bitches, asking how to avoid drama.
submitted by throwawaymanca to asktrp [link] [comments]


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Advice for Dating Over 50, Online Dating, Love and Sex

  1. Undressed - Denise & David - Undressed - Das Date im Bett ...
  2. CAUTION Any Man Dating a Filipina MUST WATCH! - YouTube
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  8. S3X IN THE CAR! - Dating Simulator with Girlfriend - YouTube
  9. Dating With No Sexual Organs BORN DIFFERENT - YouTube
  10. Dating: It's Complicated - Cat Person - YouTube

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